The Door

The Door

"If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, infinite. For man sees all things through narrow chinks of his cavern."

~ William Blake*

After a few days of very random, jet-lagged sleep, I finally managed to wake at six today, though my mind was troubled with thoughts of finding work, purpose, a place at the table, etc. After tossing around a bit, I got up, put my iPod on shuffle and was about to start sending emails when the first strains of pure human voice released my tightly wound synapses.

It was the sound of Gregorian chant, something, to be honest, I enjoy but don't listen to much, especially in this fast-paced world when I feel the need for something, well, more thumpin'.

But the purity and precision of the notes pierced the layers of worry and reminded me that the answers I'm seeking already exist within me, waiting only for the right question to be asked, for the right door that opens only at the touch of my key.

But - the skeptic in me insists - does such a door exist? And if it does, is there just one or many? One job I am meant to do, or a dozen? One soul mate, or a hundred potential partners?

I like the idea quantum physics gives us of potential. Subatomic particles like electrons exist, before they are observed by an instrument, in a state of possibility - neither particle nor wave, and at the same time both. In the quantum world, there may be many dimensions, many worlds in which our life paths change depending on a single different decision.

But once that decision is made, once that door is opened and the threshold crossed, there is no going back. Your world is changed and your path suddenly crystallizes. Possibility becomes reality, and a thousand options merge into the life you are living now - the only life, if you are both wise and fortunate, you can imagine yourself living.

If you are someone like me, someone who agonizes over finding just the right door, this seems like a decision waaaaaay above my pay grade. 

And yet, the funny thing is, the more trust you have in yourself, the more confidence you have in your own competence, the more your likelihood of right living is ensured. For there may be a million "right doors", yet once you step over just one of those thresholds, it becomes the only right way, the only career or partner you both need and want.

Friends are always telling me "if it's meant to be, it will be," and while I detest platitudes, there is a grain of truth to this cliche. If something is "meant" to be, it is intentional, not passive. And I feel, in the great life stories, there is this wonderful alchemy between active intention and luck, chance or serendipity.

The trick, I guess, is to be firm in your hopes and goals while remaining open to those chance meetings and opportunities that are unplanned but somehow exactly what you need. Because, as much as we search "out there" for it, the door we are looking for, the one that opens out onto the entire universe, is the one hidden deep inside our hearts, waiting only for us to ask: "Now where did I put that darn key?"

(*Author's Note: This Blake quotation was the inspiration for Huxley's drug-laced memoir "The Doors of Perception." I am using the quote without this connotation.)